Back to basics

In the early days of a relationship hours would be spent trying to find out what made the other feel good. Each others feelings would be taken into account, talking and listening to find out what makes the other tic. Hours of fun and laughter trying to find out each other’s secrets, passions, dreams and their ambitions for the future. Everything is new and there is a lot to learn. Being a young couple is a time of new experiences and flexibility. It’s a time when both will grow, together.

So why does this all change when joined by matrimony? Why is it that the hours that were spent learning about each other stop? Surely personal development doesn’t stop when you get married and nor should it. You can’t be the same person at 40 as you were at 20, things change, people change. Do you really know your partner for who they are now, today?

Maybe now could be a good time to go back to basics. Talking and listening to each other should be continuous, taking time out to discover what’s changed, understanding each other’s goals and dreams for the future. Children should never get in the way of this bonding time because when the time comes and they leave you are left with two people with nothing in common.

There are several factors in creating a healthy relationship and communication is only one of them. Being tactile with your partner is also important; it’s a way of bonding with each other. In a loving relationship this bonding should be reciprocal; this touching will bring you closer together. This doesn’t have to be sexual, running your fingers though your partners’ hair, a gentle massage with essential oils, kissing and holding each other, either hands or closely whilst watching a romantic film. Yes, romance, whether we like it or not, romance is still part of a healthy relationship, it’s what brought us together in the early days, before pride and ego got in the way.

Honesty between couples is one of the golden rules when pursuing happiness. Without it there can only be confusion and trust will soon be lost. Honesty between couples clarifies expectations for everyday life and future plans. In order for true happiness to occur you have to be completely honest with yourself and those around you, without this you have nothing and will live a life of lies. This in time can turn into resentment, misery and loneliness.

If you are not intimate with someone then in definition you are separated from that person. Being intimate bonds people together, it’s a reason to have you in their life.

• Don’t wait for your partner to make the first move, be the first.

• Don’t wait for an intimate subject to come up, initiate it.

• Don’t wait for the other person to make a personal disclosure, be the first.

Remember, the more you give the more you get.

Task

You will need a pen and paper. You can both do this together, but separately. Title the page “Getting to know you, again”

Write down everything you LOVE about your partner, all the things that brought you together in the early days. What’s changed, anything new?

Remember all the promises you made to each other, plans for the future. How many of them have you crossed off the list?

Make new plans short term and long.

Then compare notes, remember honesty! 100% it’s the road to happiness